When you know, you’ll stop blowing out other’s light and shine as your authentic self

Prateek Gautam@pgauti @ Unsplash

Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” I began to start asking “What is this trying to teach me?”

In asking this question my very self started to unravel. Because in seeing the truth behind the crazy events of the past 60 days I saw that God wasn’t sending me heartache and change to make me uncomfortable. He was making me uncomfortable to shake me awake. And here’s what I realized:

  • I play the victim so I don’t have to have accountability
  • Deep down — despite all my outside achievements — I don’t feel worthy in my own life

In not trusting God, I’ve attempted to manage people, places and things around me to (outside issues) to fill the hole on the inside (inside issues.)

I thought that in giving up alcohol five years ago I had surrendered my will power, and while I had let go of much of my control, I hadn’t given up all of it. How do I know? Because the people around me are miserable. This morning was no exception.

Khadeeja Yasser@k_yasser @ Unsplash
Jamez Picard@truemedia @ Unsplash

What my kids wanted growing up… what they still need as teens… is for me to show up as an example of a balanced, loving woman who knows who she is in God’s eyes. That is it.

I thanked my sponsor, got off the phone, and headed downstairs. In the three minutes I had before class I found my daughter and read her a text I’d written her. It basically went like this:

  1. Am I coming from a place of love and compassion? (That’s God’s will… I will stay and connect.)

Published TV, Blog, Book and Magazine Writer currently Coaching Mamas to Write Books Rooted in Wisdom, Humor and Spirituality.

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